Carley
Rae Stewart
Four
years old
April
22, 2001
Now that you’re four, life is different than it used to be. Four is a real milestone. Four means you really aren’t really my baby anymore, yet you are still little. Your very own personality is beginning to shine, and your imagination takes you a long way. Four means that some of my parenting is beginning to show, some of the choices I have reinforced, and at the same time you are becoming your own person.
Now that you’re four your likes and dislikes have changed a lot. You have turned into such a little girl. You have always liked getting dirty and playing with the boys and now this year your favorite thing was a baby that pees. You still like to play with the boys, but now you want to be the bride and the you want the boy to be the groom, especially Nick. He tucks you so sweetly under his arm and calls you his girlfriend, which you have become very comfortable with. You are in love with fake fingernails, makeup and perfume and you love those Barbies! When we take a bath there is always at least twelve naked Barbies in with us. You love certain fashions. Flared pants are the favorite. I can hardly wash them fast enough for you. Don’t get me wrong; you are still one of the toughest kids I know. After all, you can do more tricks on our play equipment than anyone I know. And, when we added the fire pole to your playhouse, you were the first one to climb up the pole.
Now that you’re four, it is so much easier for us to go places together. We go to the movies or shopping a lot. We love to take walks and go to the park. Just the other day we washed windows. You like to fold clothes or wash dishes with me. Some of the simplest things in my life are made special and fun, with your company. We have had picnics at the park and planted flowers each year together. And, thank goodness, when we are away from home, you are willing to put your little hand in mine so that I feel secure. It seems I extend my hand for you and you are right there. And, sometimes you have me running across parking lots or through puddles. I suppose I look silly sometimes but I don’t mind.
Now that you’re four, I am able to accomplish my schoolwork a little easier. You seem to know sometimes how hard it is for me to get everything done. While I wish I was already finished with college, my daycare has been the perfect way for me to work and be with you at the same time. You are happy to just sit next to me while I do my schoolwork and watch a movie or “read” or color. You are old enough to know that I have things that I have to get done. You also really enjoy markers, crayons, glue, scissors, (etc) and will work on your very own project for longer periods of time. Oh, and you have to have your juice cup (Sunny D) and your blanket. You have had two favorite blankets so far. The first you loved right down to a rag, and this one is now getting close. At times I am embarrassed for you to bring it into public. After all, you have nice ones too. But you like the old ratty one, and you know, I think it feels good too.
Through your imagination, your creations are brilliant and brought straight to the refrigerator. This way Grandpa Larry can see them. He calls you Sugar Rae. You don’t understand it, but you don’t mind it either. See, you and Grandpa Larry have a pretty sweet relationship. I think he wishes you gave him more hugs and kisses, and you prefer giving him a “five.” But, he thinks of you all the time. He brings treats to daycare for you and your friends to share. He made sure that you caught a fish last summer. You, Grandpa Larry, and me went several places to fish until you successfully caught your own fish. He loves you. I guess he tries to love you for two since Grandma Janice isn’t here. She loves you too, just from heaven. He comes in to see us about every day. He says it is lonely living on the farm by himself. Yet, he just couldn’t move to town and give it up. I think his best memories are there. So, we go out to see Grandpa at his house too. You like it there because he buys two cows to raise each year. His cows are always friendly because Grandpa sits outside a lot and they get used to him. Last year he took you in the lot with them and they ate out of your hand. One thing I don’t think Grandpa will ever forget is when the cows were gone last year. You came outside and he worried how he would explain that the cows were gone. We told you that we butchered them. You did not know what “butchered” meant, but you just took that to be so and didn’t ask any questions. Then one day, we were walking we past a house where you always admired a dog. He wasn’t there, and you said, “Maybe they butchered them.” Grandpa and I laughed and laughed. In so many ways you have brought laughter into our lives.
Now that you are four, we decided you were old enough to have a pet. We got you a kitty. You change her name every few days. It began as Sheila, then Lisa, and then Brittany, because you like Brittany Spears. I don’t think the kitty minds. You do help feed and give her water. She gets tired of all the children bothering her and many times stays under the deck, or somewhere where the little hands can’t grab her. Even when she won’t let you hold her, you just love her so much.
Now that you’re four you have more friends than ever. You love to play with the daycare kids, the neighbor kids, your cousins, and now your preschool friends. It is so fun when your birthday comes, and it is a great excuse for me to invite all of your friends for a big party. This year we rented the Moonwalk, a big blow up bouncing tent, and you and your friends bounced your way silly. I could feel the love and friendship in the room and that is what life is all about, the love and friendship of our family and friends.
Beginning preschool was hard for you and for me. It was hard for you to be away from me when we have always been together all day. But, I was never so proud as when you walked into preschool and said. “I’m okay. Bye, Mom.” I had to learn that I needed to drop you off and go. But, I’d hang around, and then it was harder for you to say goodbye. You see, I am learning as I go along as well. Because of this preschool experience and help from me too, you have learned to write my name and yours very well. Daddy’s is a little harder, and you almost have it. You have been asking me how to spell all kinds of words and trying your best. Now when you “take my order,” you also say, “how do you spell that?” You can tie your shoes and zip your own coat. The other day you made a house with people next to it. I have only had trouble getting you to have the person’s arms coming from their body, instead of where the ears should be. Money is one of your new discoveries. You recognize George Washington and Abraham Lincoln’s picture on money and love to tell everyone. You love to rhyme words now too. You have been so proud of your accomplishments, and of course, so am I.
It is true. I am seeing you learn and grow every single day and I am learning a lot along the way as well. I have learned that although we go through rough stages at times, those stages pass. A fellow mom once told me “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” And, I believe that to be good advice. Otherwise, we could get caught up in the little things that we are not happy with at this moment. I think there are trials that we face at any age, and I am learning how to be the best mom I can be. What I truly appreciate is that you still ask very frequently to sit on my lap. I think it is your way of having me all to your self for a few minutes in our hectic days. It feels so good to have you there that I wish to keep you there forever. That is why I am glad you are only four.
I lay down each night with you until you fall asleep. Some parents feel that having their kids go to bed alone is a big accomplishment, where I feel that it is a great time to be together. We talk about the day or tell each other a story. You like to twirl my hair with your fingers as you snuggle up tight. After I return to my bed, sometimes in the silence I hear, “Mom, would you come lay with me?” And, no matter how tired I am, I am glad to come in to keep you company while you dream.
You see Carley, I take the title Mommy very seriously. I brought you here for a reason. That reason is to love you and take care of you. I want you to be happy and successful and to feel loved all your life. I don’t want you to make mistakes or hurt, although I know that is part of growing up. I want you to go places and I want you to be happy. I don’t know how I got so lucky to have you in my life. I am so proud of you. Maybe we were just meant for each other because we can truly appreciate each other, or maybe God knows how much I need you. From the line in one of your favorite stories, you tell me, “I love you right up to the sky and back.” That is how much I love you too.